You and your spouse have split up after a very long marriage! You did not envision the change. It’s a painful combination of grief, fear, anger, humiliation, disbelief, sadness, failure and disappointment
You spend hours thinking of ways to win your spouse back, getting counseling to help with your grief, making lists of what you did wrong and trying to talk with your spouse about how to put things right.
Meanwhile, your spouse treats you like someone with a highly contagious fatal disease and looks at you as if you smell like cow manure.
Little by little you wake up to the fact that your life has changed. There’s no going back. You begin to see that by resisting change you havn’t noticed the opportunities opening up to you. This awakening flows over you like warm sunshine. The heavy feelings of fear and loss are replaced by the lightness of freedom and optimism. With new perspective you change your behaviour.
You focus on things in your life that are special … your children, family, friends, job, hobbies and interests long forgotten. Your lists and journal entries change to what you did not receive from your previous relationship, what you would like from your next relationship, what qualities you would like in your next partner.
You begin to take an interest in YOU. After some time, you feel ready for the D work …. dating! Dating … how to begin? It’s been a long time since your last date. You know that seeking a lasting love takes time. The early dating experiences allow you to “get your feet wet”. Help you to learn about the do’s and dont’s. You want a relationship that will be fulfilling and dont want to settle for the first person who comes along
The first date comes along and the excitement gives you butterflies. Things go smoothly until the person mentions that they are married with two young children. You explain that obviously you are not looking for the same kind of relationship. Bad start.
The second date goes better but your conversation runs cold. These sort of dating experiences continue. You are happy in the new life you have made for yourself and dont feel lonely.
One day you put your profile and picture on an internet dating site. Oh, what fun it turns out to be!
You begin connecting with people all over the world and making friends. You are surprised at the quality of people that you meet along the way. After all, you had heard how only desperate people use the internet for dating. Soon you are meeting internet acquanitances for coffee or dinner. You feel fantastic about the whole thing. Time goes by. You meet many wonderful people, have great times and grow as a person.
Then, you see a profile on the dating site you havn’t seen before. It really stands out as the profile of someone special. The words are magnetic to you. You contact the person and they reply.
The two of you bounce emails back and forth for a couple of weeks and then you start phoning each other. The more the two of you learn about each other, the more connected you feel. You feel that this person is looking for the same things in a romance that you are; and has the emotional maturity, loyalty and integrity required to make a romantic parthership work long term. It dawns on you that this person has many of the qualities on your list that you are looking for in a potential partner.
Over time your phone friendship evolves into a romance? complete with physical chemistry. How can this be? You havn’t even been in the same room with this person!
The day arrives and you meet for the first time. The person looks better than their picture, better than you expected?
Is there a moral to this story? Abolutely!
Change happens whether you like it or not. The quicker you stop resisting change, the quicker you will start enjoying it! There are tons of opportunities for love out there, even if you are 40, 50, 60 and beyond. Dont settle for less than fantastic, just to avoid being alone. Look around to find qualiy people even in unconventional places. Be open and ready to accept love when it hits you over the head!
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