Before you start on this process its important you’re honest with yourself.  Why do you want here back? If its just some ego thing or you’re jealous that she’s started dating, its time for you to be a man and move on. If those are your reasons for getting her back you’ll only cause both of you a lot of hurt and pain again at a later date.

Its also important that you are honest with yourself when it comes to your own issues.  Whatever part you played in the relationship faling apart, whether it was big or small, if you’re not willing to face that and make some serious changes in your behavior you might as well walk away.

Here are a few things you can do that should be able to help:

1.  First of all you have to let her miss you.  If you’re calling or texting her at all hours of the day and night …. stop right now.  This non – stop harassment is a bad idea for a couple of reasons.  For one thing it lets her know that you are there in the background if things dont work out and no one want to be the ‘plan B’. The other reason is that it doesn’t allow you time to catch your breath and get some emotional strength back if you’re constantly obsessing about her.

2.  Have some fun.  Do the things you liked to do before that you might not have had time to do when you and your ex were together.  Spend time with friends and live your life.  A word of caution though, if you want to get your ex back do not go around hitting on anything in a skirt.  True, you may make her jealous, but you’ll also make her hate you and think that you’re like a jerk and not worth bothering with.  Just hang out with your friends but don’t start dating or hooking up.  You want your ex to see that you’re having fun but you don’t want her to think that you’re over her and having fun with other women.

3.  After a while of alone time, contact your ex.  Tell her that you still love her and that you miss her and you want to get together.  Dont make it sound like some important meeting, just keep it casual.  If you come on too strong you’ll likely scare her off.  Arrange to meet for coffee or lunch.

Spend some time together getting reacquainted.  This time can help remind both of you of the good times you used to share and can help make it seem like you really could get back together.  If things go well you can ask her if she’d like to get together again but still keep it casual.  Remember that this is basically like the two of you were meeting for the first time.  You want to take it slow and have fun and things will go where they will go.

Good luck

Question 1: Do you want kids? If so, how many?

Of course this isn’t an appropriate question for the first date, but after the point of being committed to each other this question should arise if it hasn’t already.  If your partner says the opposite of your desires this is a definite problem.  Dont talk the other person into what you want, this could lead to resentment and disappointment.  Be careful that you don’t  fit your lifestyle to meet someone else’s expectactions, you don’t want to miss out!  Its probably wise to discuss the number of children you would like.  It’s not wise to talk someone into or out of having more children down the road.  All of this may seem premature but you will be happier to have everything out on the table.

Question 2:  What are your beliefs

This question is appropriate to ask on a first date.  A person’s religion will affect the entire relationship, both early on and in the future.  Make sure that your ideals fit each other’s.  Having opposite faiths or values is another big problem.  It may seem plausible that in an early relationship any differences can be met half way, but in the daily scheme of things or during a tough period in the relationship you may stand divided.

Question 3: What are your life goals?

This is the type of question that should be discussed yearly or whenever you decide as a couple.  Its probably more important after you are married.  If you ask this early on and the other person responds with something that doesn’t meet your plans then you have come to an obvious decision-making point.

Most people are highly opinionated and sure of themselves in these areas of life and need or want little or no persuading to do otherwise.  If you find someone that has the same answers you feel in yourself the odds of a successful relationship are high.  Marriages are tested and need to survive through times when things arn’t going according to plan.  People change as they get older and answers to these questions may too!

If this is a suspicion that gnaws at the back of your mind every time the phone rings or your husband leaves the house, you may want to consider taking steps to get some answers.  There are ways to recover deleted text from mobile phones to get your worries answered.

It is possible to employ the use of a SIM card reader to get information from your partner’s phone privately.  It is possible this may also give you deleted information such as pictures, caller ID and voice mails.  Should you decide to utilise this SIM card reader you must be aware that it can cause damage.  The information you are trying to obtain can be damaged or destroyed and the SIM card of the phone may also be damaged during the process.

Cell phone forensic investigations performed by leading experts give you the ability to recover deleted text messages, along with many other helpful pieces of data that may be discovered during the forensic investigation of the phone.  Some specific information which you could expect to gain access to includes deleted picture and video files, called ID, call logs, contact lists, voice mails, deleted address book entries, incoming and outgoing calls, as well as the duration of these calls.

If you really do have major doubts about your partner’s fidelity and would like to check historic details from their mobile phone, the most effective way to recover information is by using a trained professional investigator with the proper tools at their disposal.

Good luck.

Its hard to accept that your ex has moved on and left you behind!

From the looks of it, you have two choices you need to make at this point in your life. You either make an effort to break away and move on or you try to win them back. Neither option will be easy. There is no guarantee that either one is better than the other. You must try to keep in mind that before you can make a decision you would have to make necessary adjustments.

Try to stay away from your ex. The fewer times you have contact, the better it is for you. Of course it will be different if circumstances force you to speak with each other. Responsibilities like children and work are such obligations. It’s not practical to leave your job and its wrong to keep your children from seeing their parent. Try to be mature about it. When you have to speak with your ex try to be cordial and civil. Try to think of it as a business arrangement. The less you talk about unnecessary things, the easier it will be for you to stay away.

Dont let yourself go. Take the time to take care of yourself. When you look good, you will begin to feel good. Make extra effort in your clothes, hair and basically your whole appearance.

It might be hard sleeping at this point. Thoughts may keep entering your mind keeping you from resting properly. Try to do activities during the day that make you feel tired at night. Keeping yourself busy with other things will shove thoughts of your ex to the back of your mind.

Try not to get into a relationship with another person. Firstly it will be unfair to them as you are clearly not over your ex.

There are a number of different factors that cause people to doubt their relationship.  Some say that although they love the person, they do not know whether they are loved by them, others dont know whether they are ready for committment.  Some are concerned about qualities or behaviours they are uncomfortable with.  Others remain in relationships hoping to change their partners, or from fear of being alone.  Some just cant face starting all over again.

There are certain things we can use to see whether the relationship is right.  Ask yourself:

1.  Do I hope that the person will change one day?

It is always a mistake to stay in a relationship if it is based upon wanting the other person to change.  Although they may promise to change, it is a difficult thing to do and only happens when an individual wants to for themselves.  When a person changes to please their partner, the change is only temporary, because in order to change deep patterns, time, work, committment and effort is needed.  See how much of this person you can accept just as they are.  If you want to change most things about them, it’s best to let go.  If there are just a few areas that bother you, try to accept them as they are. 

2. Even though I’m told I’m loved, do I feel appreciated and loved?

It is one thing to express love verbally and another for it to be real.  If you consistently dont feel loved and appreciated, pay attention to that.  For love to be real it must be acted upon.  Individuals feel loved when they feel considered, listened to and respected.  Trust your feelings. 

3. Is it Easy to Give to the Person?

This is a very good way of telling how you are feeling in a relationship.  When you want to give to your partner (sexually and otherwise) it is because we are usually being cared for in return.  When we find it hard to meet their needs, something is wrong.  Some people withhold their love, time and attention as a way of letting the other person know that they are not getting their needs met.  Some do it out of anger or hidden resentment about something that has happened.

4.  Are you both willing to Talk things over?

When a couple are willing to sit down, truly talk and listen to one another, they are way ahead.  All relationships run into obstacles from time to time.  No matter how wonderful a person is, if they unwilling to talk and listen, it will make it difficult to build a strong relationship.

5. Are they truthful?  Can you trust them?

Often questions of trust arise.  If you find time and again that the person is not truthful with you, then it is very difficult to continue.  Trust is the basis of all good relationships. Without trust there is a lack of security and the ability to be open.

When you have answered these basic questions, it should be quite clear whether or not the relationship you are in is the right one for you.

 No.

Whilst its very tempting to give friends an I-said-he said account of your conversation with a new love, it’s a big mistake.  You will be destroying whatever intimacy that has developed.  If you want a special relationship, keep it special by keeping it between the two people involved: him and you.

 How can your friends know him any better than you do (unless they are direct family).  If this is the case, you should definitely keep quiet.

Trust yourself to make the right decision about whether or not he is the one for you.

Ask yourself: do you feel good around him?  Confident? attractive? Or do you feel insecure? Stupid? Fat and ugly?  You know how you feel around someone who likes you!

When you discuss your relationship with other people, you cheapen it.  Give your new relationship the dignity it deserves and keep it to yourself.  Trust yourself to let it develop.  If it’s meant to be, you’ll know it.

 If it’s not, you’ll know that too!

Women know what they want most of the time.  The problem for women is that men have never been taught the mind reading techniques that we expect them to have.  Here are some possible reasons why that woman wont go out with you:

1.  You are her best friend and she doesn’t want to ruin the friendship with a relationship that may not work out.  Women analyse relationsions and a good male friend is worth his weight in gold.  A lot of women feel that its not worth losing a fantastic friendship for just another possible relationship.

2. She may think you are the greatest thing since sliced bread but you are not her usual type of guy.  Some women love being with nice guys but for some reason prefer bad boys when they date.

3. It might be that a friend of hers really likes you so you are therefore off limits.

4. If she is a career orientated person, it could be that she feels she doesn’t have time to devote to a relationship as her career takes first place.

5. She may really like you but needs you to make the first move.

What should you do when something like this happens?

1.  Try to forget about her for a while and date other girls.  You may find that you suddenly become a lot more interesting in her eyes because you will appear less available and therefore she will begin to wonder what she might be missing out on.

2. Try to find out more about her feelings towards you from her friends, while talking about her at the same time.  This will be an exchange of information and she will learn what you really feel from people she can trust. 

3. By this time it would be a good idea to try asking her out again.  Try to do it in such a way that will surprise her and take her out of her routines. 

If you get rejected again … its time to move on and forget about her. 

1.  Fairytale

Many think they have the fairy tale relationship which is going to last forever, which turns out not to be the case  There are plenty of people that have a good start and then somewhere in the middle it goes wrong.  This is comon and people have to realise that not everyone is meant to be together.  There is a match out there for everyone and it may take a little longer to find him or her.

There are steps that can be taken to ensure that your next relationship is not a total waste of time like your present one.  When you follow a few steps you can make your relationship work and grow into something that you have always wanted.  It may take a little time and effort though.

2.  Physical Attraction

You need to click with your partner physically.  You need to have the chemistry to even start a relationship.  If you dont find your partner attractive, you may never be able to get the relationship on the right track.  There is of course more to a relationship than just physical attraction, but this is important to have.

Your mind is something that will tell you if you are in the right place or not. When you are not sure, you should think about your gut feelings and take it from there.  When you are only physically attracted to someone, this is not the right reason to start a relationship.  You have to have it all in order to make it work.

3.  Being Friends

When you are in love with someone, you need to be able to trust him or her and feel comfortable with them.  You need to be able to get along with each other on a friendship level.  Think about your best friend and who that person is.  If your answer is your lover, then you are in the right place.  You need to have that bond with each other so that you can have a committed relationship.

4.  Having the same values

Physical relationships may work for a while, but not for the long term.  You need to have so much more than that.  You need to have the same goals and values.  You cannot be with someone forever that does not share your same dreams that include family and location. 

Having the same kind of values with each other is very important.  You need to agree most of the time, not all the time. 

5.  Compromise

Do not be against compromise.  This is something that many couples have to do in order to make it work.  Without it, you will see that there are so many failed loves because of one or the other’s difficulty in compromising.

You do not need to sacrifice the important issues that are meaningful to you, but you should think about the small things that you can do without in your life.  A relationship is all about sharing and if you cannot do this, then your relationship is doomed.

Giving is the most important part of a relationship.  However you need to receive some as well.  When you have a good balance of these two things, you will see that you can work through anything and make your life happier and your relationship stronger.

The thrill of doing something taboo and the fear of getting caught can lead to excitement for many couples but in the back of her mind she never truly believes that he will leave his wife.

Getting over a married man can be truly heartbreaking, but you have to move on and be happy with or without him.  Nobody can say it will happen in a day, but here are a few tips on helping to speed up the process.

1.  Think about his wife

If you have been seeing a married man he might have blamed all his problems on his wife.  She must be a horrible person who doesn’t let him experience life or why else would he with with you?  Try to consider how you might look in her eyes.  You are the one threatening her marriage.  Remember that a married man is married by choice: nobody forced him to get married and nobody is forcing him to stay in the relationship.  If he really wanted to break up with his wife to be with you, he would.  He probably truly cares about her and his family but misses the thrill of being single.  Do you really want to remain is hidden second choice?

2.  You deserve better

Dating a married man comes with a great deal of sacrifice.  If he has a wife at home he will only spent certain times of the day with you and definitely certain times of the night.  But do these times work for you?  What about holidays?  If you are in a relationship with somebody you should be able to call them when you need them, and vice versa.  There is nothing worse than having a bad day and wanting to call your partner to get some well earned sympathy only to find it isn’t a safe time to call.  You want and need a man who can take care of you and make you feel special for who you are!

3.  Think about your future

Most people date with the desire to find a husband, someone who compliments them and to spend the rest of your life with.  Married men already have this person and chances are that they are not willing to give that up, at least not right away.  If they have children, it is even more complicated.  By the time they make their decision, which could be the wrong one for you, you may have missed out on somebody else who is available and waiting to make your dreams come true!

4. Wake up

It is easy to fantasise about a married man and the way things might be, but the truth is that he might be the very man you want to distance yourself from.  He is not faithful in his current marriage so why should be choose to be faithful to you even if he should choose to leave her for you? Do you really want to be looking over your shoulder all the time?

Do yourself a favour by finding an unattached man of your own to build a long lasting relationship and maybe even a life with.

Once commitment is mentioned they feel they are trapped.  He feels he will lose his sense of masculinity.  Its all about power for them – the strong one is the person who needs less, the power is in not needing!

These men need to be in control to feel their power.  It’s no wonder that men like these cannot stay with one woman for very long.  At some stage their feelings of dependency start to grow and at this time they run away. 

Some women feel they need a man to make a commitment to make them feel secure.  The problem is that when a man senses this it can make him feel like an object, as if he’s being used for the woman’s security.

When a woman can give a man some freedom and space, as she lives a full and independent life herself, it can take the fear of being used and trapped away.

All men want to feel loved and valued in their relationship.  If a woman takes the time to understand their fears and reasoning behind running away, they can be handled and both parties can win.  To do this you must be aware of where these patterns have come from and what they are used to protect him from.

 Sometimes the pattern develops at an early age.  At some point in the young man’s development his father has become his opponent, his rival for the Mother’s love. Usually,  as the boy grows and becomes mature, he is able to let go of the Mother and his rivalry with his Father.  This is when the Father becomes a friend, he identifies with him and is able to go forward and attain love of his own.

Unfortunately there are times when the boy matures into a young man but does not overcome the rivalry with his Father.  This then causes him, subconsciously, to feel he is  unable to have a woman of his own and he therefore act out this pattern over and over again in his relationships.  They may give themselves an unconscious message that love is dangerous, even forbidden.  Or they tell themselves their love object, the Mother, belongs to somebody else, the Father.  She is the woman of their dreams that they can never have for themselves.

This causes such men to find they are unable to be successful when competing with other men; they convince themselves that other men will easily win the woman they desire.  They believe the other man has far more to offer, just as their Father did.  This is a replay of childhood.  Unless this dynamic is worked through a man’s ongoing relationship with women will sooner or later have problems.  Sometimes it’s the relationship with the Mother that causes the problems.  It could even be that their Mother holds onto her son emotionally and refuses to let go!

Some Mothers withhold love, maybe even rejecting or overpowering.  If this happens the woman becomes the opponent for the man.  Men who have suffered this situation whilst growing up will run from women continually.  They see love as a trap, a place where their needs will never be met.  Many men are much more fragile than they seem. Harsh words from a woman they might be seeing can cut deep.

A woman in this type of relationship will need to encourage him to express his feelings.  She should be prepared to listen quietly and be careful about criticising him.  When she expresses her needs and feelings it is important to do it carefully and non-ciritically, emphasising how much she values him.

Women – Listen carefully to what he tells you.  Try to understand and not criticise.  Whatever you do, do not think your love will change him or make him want you more, it wont!.  The less pressure, guilt and obligation that are placed on him, the better.  The busier you are, the better the chances for this relationship to continue.

Men – Look at your expectations in relationships.  Try to understand why you feel trapped and need a way out.  Who is it you are really running from? Allow yourself to be true to yourself in the relationship.  Say no when you want to.  Try asking a woman in advance what it is she looking for in a relationship.  If they are too possessive, go find someone else.