Going or staying in a relationship – Do you know whether its time?

Most of us spend a great deal of time in relationships wondering if this person is the right one, whether they should stay or go. 

There are a number of different factors that cause people to doubt their relationship.  Some say that although they love the person, they do not know whether they are loved by them, others dont know whether they are ready for committment.  Some are concerned about qualities or behaviours they are uncomfortable with.  Others remain in relationships hoping to change their partners, or from fear of being alone.  Some just cant face starting all over again.

There are certain things we can use to see whether the relationship is right.  Ask yourself:

1.  Do I hope that the person will change one day?

It is always a mistake to stay in a relationship if it is based upon wanting the other person to change.  Although they may promise to change, it is a difficult thing to do and only happens when an individual wants to for themselves.  When a person changes to please their partner, the change is only temporary, because in order to change deep patterns, time, work, committment and effort is needed.  See how much of this person you can accept just as they are.  If you want to change most things about them, it’s best to let go.  If there are just a few areas that bother you, try to accept them as they are. 

2. Even though I’m told I’m loved, do I feel appreciated and loved?

It is one thing to express love verbally and another for it to be real.  If you consistently dont feel loved and appreciated, pay attention to that.  For love to be real it must be acted upon.  Individuals feel loved when they feel considered, listened to and respected.  Trust your feelings. 

3. Is it Easy to Give to the Person?

This is a very good way of telling how you are feeling in a relationship.  When you want to give to your partner (sexually and otherwise) it is because we are usually being cared for in return.  When we find it hard to meet their needs, something is wrong.  Some people withhold their love, time and attention as a way of letting the other person know that they are not getting their needs met.  Some do it out of anger or hidden resentment about something that has happened.

4.  Are you both willing to Talk things over?

When a couple are willing to sit down, truly talk and listen to one another, they are way ahead.  All relationships run into obstacles from time to time.  No matter how wonderful a person is, if they unwilling to talk and listen, it will make it difficult to build a strong relationship.

5. Are they truthful?  Can you trust them?

Often questions of trust arise.  If you find time and again that the person is not truthful with you, then it is very difficult to continue.  Trust is the basis of all good relationships. Without trust there is a lack of security and the ability to be open.

When you have answered these basic questions, it should be quite clear whether or not the relationship you are in is the right one for you.