Most of us spend a great deal of time in relationships wondering if this person is the right one, whether they should stay or go. 

There are a number of different factors that cause people to doubt their relationship.  Some say that although they love the person, they do not know whether they are loved by them, others dont know whether they are ready for committment.  Some are concerned about qualities or behaviours they are uncomfortable with.  Others remain in relationships hoping to change their partners, or from fear of being alone.  Some just cant face starting all over again.

There are certain things we can use to see whether the relationship is right.  Ask yourself:

1.  Do I hope that the person will change one day?

It is always a mistake to stay in a relationship if it is based upon wanting the other person to change.  Although they may promise to change, it is a difficult thing to do and only happens when an individual wants to for themselves.  When a person changes to please their partner, the change is only temporary, because in order to change deep patterns, time, work, committment and effort is needed.  See how much of this person you can accept just as they are.  If you want to change most things about them, it’s best to let go.  If there are just a few areas that bother you, try to accept them as they are. 

2. Even though I’m told I’m loved, do I feel appreciated and loved?

It is one thing to express love verbally and another for it to be real.  If you consistently dont feel loved and appreciated, pay attention to that.  For love to be real it must be acted upon.  Individuals feel loved when they feel considered, listened to and respected.  Trust your feelings. 

3. Is it Easy to Give to the Person?

This is a very good way of telling how you are feeling in a relationship.  When you want to give to your partner (sexually and otherwise) it is because we are usually being cared for in return.  When we find it hard to meet their needs, something is wrong.  Some people withhold their love, time and attention as a way of letting the other person know that they are not getting their needs met.  Some do it out of anger or hidden resentment about something that has happened.

4.  Are you both willing to Talk things over?

When a couple are willing to sit down, truly talk and listen to one another, they are way ahead.  All relationships run into obstacles from time to time.  No matter how wonderful a person is, if they unwilling to talk and listen, it will make it difficult to build a strong relationship.

5. Are they truthful?  Can you trust them?

Often questions of trust arise.  If you find time and again that the person is not truthful with you, then it is very difficult to continue.  Trust is the basis of all good relationships. Without trust there is a lack of security and the ability to be open.

When you have answered these basic questions, it should be quite clear whether or not the relationship you are in is the right one for you.

You’ve been seeing a new guy and you’re crazy about him.  You dont want to get hurt so you call a few friends to talk about things he’s said to get their perspective.  Is this a good idea?

 No.

Whilst its very tempting to give friends an I-said-he said account of your conversation with a new love, it’s a big mistake.  You will be destroying whatever intimacy that has developed.  If you want a special relationship, keep it special by keeping it between the two people involved: him and you.

 How can your friends know him any better than you do (unless they are direct family).  If this is the case, you should definitely keep quiet.

Trust yourself to make the right decision about whether or not he is the one for you.

Ask yourself: do you feel good around him?  Confident? attractive? Or do you feel insecure? Stupid? Fat and ugly?  You know how you feel around someone who likes you!

When you discuss your relationship with other people, you cheapen it.  Give your new relationship the dignity it deserves and keep it to yourself.  Trust yourself to let it develop.  If it’s meant to be, you’ll know it.

 If it’s not, you’ll know that too!

You know a girl that always smiles at you and seems happy to see you, has told all her friends about you, but for some reason she just wont go out on a date with you!  If this sounds familiar then you may feel this woman is giving you mixed signals.  How do you manage the situation?

Women know what they want most of the time.  The problem for women is that men have never been taught the mind reading techniques that we expect them to have.  Here are some possible reasons why that woman wont go out with you:

1.  You are her best friend and she doesn’t want to ruin the friendship with a relationship that may not work out.  Women analyse relationsions and a good male friend is worth his weight in gold.  A lot of women feel that its not worth losing a fantastic friendship for just another possible relationship.

2. She may think you are the greatest thing since sliced bread but you are not her usual type of guy.  Some women love being with nice guys but for some reason prefer bad boys when they date.

3. It might be that a friend of hers really likes you so you are therefore off limits.

4. If she is a career orientated person, it could be that she feels she doesn’t have time to devote to a relationship as her career takes first place.

5. She may really like you but needs you to make the first move.

What should you do when something like this happens?

1.  Try to forget about her for a while and date other girls.  You may find that you suddenly become a lot more interesting in her eyes because you will appear less available and therefore she will begin to wonder what she might be missing out on.

2. Try to find out more about her feelings towards you from her friends, while talking about her at the same time.  This will be an exchange of information and she will learn what you really feel from people she can trust. 

3. By this time it would be a good idea to try asking her out again.  Try to do it in such a way that will surprise her and take her out of her routines. 

If you get rejected again … its time to move on and forget about her. 

Relationships end for many different reasons.  Nobody can tell for sure what went wrong as in some cases its not so obvious.  We try our best and do all we can to make the relationship work.  However there are some that do not put time and effort into it, which results in a break up.

1.  Fairytale

Many think they have the fairy tale relationship which is going to last forever, which turns out not to be the case  There are plenty of people that have a good start and then somewhere in the middle it goes wrong.  This is comon and people have to realise that not everyone is meant to be together.  There is a match out there for everyone and it may take a little longer to find him or her.

There are steps that can be taken to ensure that your next relationship is not a total waste of time like your present one.  When you follow a few steps you can make your relationship work and grow into something that you have always wanted.  It may take a little time and effort though.

2.  Physical Attraction

You need to click with your partner physically.  You need to have the chemistry to even start a relationship.  If you dont find your partner attractive, you may never be able to get the relationship on the right track.  There is of course more to a relationship than just physical attraction, but this is important to have.

Your mind is something that will tell you if you are in the right place or not. When you are not sure, you should think about your gut feelings and take it from there.  When you are only physically attracted to someone, this is not the right reason to start a relationship.  You have to have it all in order to make it work.

3.  Being Friends

When you are in love with someone, you need to be able to trust him or her and feel comfortable with them.  You need to be able to get along with each other on a friendship level.  Think about your best friend and who that person is.  If your answer is your lover, then you are in the right place.  You need to have that bond with each other so that you can have a committed relationship.

4.  Having the same values

Physical relationships may work for a while, but not for the long term.  You need to have so much more than that.  You need to have the same goals and values.  You cannot be with someone forever that does not share your same dreams that include family and location. 

Having the same kind of values with each other is very important.  You need to agree most of the time, not all the time. 

5.  Compromise

Do not be against compromise.  This is something that many couples have to do in order to make it work.  Without it, you will see that there are so many failed loves because of one or the other’s difficulty in compromising.

You do not need to sacrifice the important issues that are meaningful to you, but you should think about the small things that you can do without in your life.  A relationship is all about sharing and if you cannot do this, then your relationship is doomed.

Giving is the most important part of a relationship.  However you need to receive some as well.  When you have a good balance of these two things, you will see that you can work through anything and make your life happier and your relationship stronger.

Married men have been chasing single women for a very long time and available women have been falling for them for just as long.  Attached men seem to have their own appeal and getting over a married man can be just as hard, if not more so. 

The thrill of doing something taboo and the fear of getting caught can lead to excitement for many couples but in the back of her mind she never truly believes that he will leave his wife.

Getting over a married man can be truly heartbreaking, but you have to move on and be happy with or without him.  Nobody can say it will happen in a day, but here are a few tips on helping to speed up the process.

1.  Think about his wife

If you have been seeing a married man he might have blamed all his problems on his wife.  She must be a horrible person who doesn’t let him experience life or why else would he with with you?  Try to consider how you might look in her eyes.  You are the one threatening her marriage.  Remember that a married man is married by choice: nobody forced him to get married and nobody is forcing him to stay in the relationship.  If he really wanted to break up with his wife to be with you, he would.  He probably truly cares about her and his family but misses the thrill of being single.  Do you really want to remain is hidden second choice?

2.  You deserve better

Dating a married man comes with a great deal of sacrifice.  If he has a wife at home he will only spent certain times of the day with you and definitely certain times of the night.  But do these times work for you?  What about holidays?  If you are in a relationship with somebody you should be able to call them when you need them, and vice versa.  There is nothing worse than having a bad day and wanting to call your partner to get some well earned sympathy only to find it isn’t a safe time to call.  You want and need a man who can take care of you and make you feel special for who you are!

3.  Think about your future

Most people date with the desire to find a husband, someone who compliments them and to spend the rest of your life with.  Married men already have this person and chances are that they are not willing to give that up, at least not right away.  If they have children, it is even more complicated.  By the time they make their decision, which could be the wrong one for you, you may have missed out on somebody else who is available and waiting to make your dreams come true!

4. Wake up

It is easy to fantasise about a married man and the way things might be, but the truth is that he might be the very man you want to distance yourself from.  He is not faithful in his current marriage so why should be choose to be faithful to you even if he should choose to leave her for you? Do you really want to be looking over your shoulder all the time?

Do yourself a favour by finding an unattached man of your own to build a long lasting relationship and maybe even a life with.

There are a lot of men who will happily persue a woman for as long as it takes, but once they have her they start to feel trapped.  These men then start to feel that excitement and potential possibilities have been cut off from them.

Once commitment is mentioned they feel they are trapped.  He feels he will lose his sense of masculinity.  Its all about power for them – the strong one is the person who needs less, the power is in not needing!

These men need to be in control to feel their power.  It’s no wonder that men like these cannot stay with one woman for very long.  At some stage their feelings of dependency start to grow and at this time they run away. 

Some women feel they need a man to make a commitment to make them feel secure.  The problem is that when a man senses this it can make him feel like an object, as if he’s being used for the woman’s security.

When a woman can give a man some freedom and space, as she lives a full and independent life herself, it can take the fear of being used and trapped away.

All men want to feel loved and valued in their relationship.  If a woman takes the time to understand their fears and reasoning behind running away, they can be handled and both parties can win.  To do this you must be aware of where these patterns have come from and what they are used to protect him from.

 Sometimes the pattern develops at an early age.  At some point in the young man’s development his father has become his opponent, his rival for the Mother’s love. Usually,  as the boy grows and becomes mature, he is able to let go of the Mother and his rivalry with his Father.  This is when the Father becomes a friend, he identifies with him and is able to go forward and attain love of his own.

Unfortunately there are times when the boy matures into a young man but does not overcome the rivalry with his Father.  This then causes him, subconsciously, to feel he is  unable to have a woman of his own and he therefore act out this pattern over and over again in his relationships.  They may give themselves an unconscious message that love is dangerous, even forbidden.  Or they tell themselves their love object, the Mother, belongs to somebody else, the Father.  She is the woman of their dreams that they can never have for themselves.

This causes such men to find they are unable to be successful when competing with other men; they convince themselves that other men will easily win the woman they desire.  They believe the other man has far more to offer, just as their Father did.  This is a replay of childhood.  Unless this dynamic is worked through a man’s ongoing relationship with women will sooner or later have problems.  Sometimes it’s the relationship with the Mother that causes the problems.  It could even be that their Mother holds onto her son emotionally and refuses to let go!

Some Mothers withhold love, maybe even rejecting or overpowering.  If this happens the woman becomes the opponent for the man.  Men who have suffered this situation whilst growing up will run from women continually.  They see love as a trap, a place where their needs will never be met.  Many men are much more fragile than they seem. Harsh words from a woman they might be seeing can cut deep.

A woman in this type of relationship will need to encourage him to express his feelings.  She should be prepared to listen quietly and be careful about criticising him.  When she expresses her needs and feelings it is important to do it carefully and non-ciritically, emphasising how much she values him.

Women – Listen carefully to what he tells you.  Try to understand and not criticise.  Whatever you do, do not think your love will change him or make him want you more, it wont!.  The less pressure, guilt and obligation that are placed on him, the better.  The busier you are, the better the chances for this relationship to continue.

Men – Look at your expectations in relationships.  Try to understand why you feel trapped and need a way out.  Who is it you are really running from? Allow yourself to be true to yourself in the relationship.  Say no when you want to.  Try asking a woman in advance what it is she looking for in a relationship.  If they are too possessive, go find someone else.

The main reason that people stay in a relationship that isn’t working is because they have a fear of being alone.  They are scared of moving on, making a new life for themselves as all they can see in front of them is lonliness.

Here are some of the warning signs that a relationship is on the brink of failure and its time to move on:

1. Fighting for no reason.  If you are fighting over petty issues that seem to blow out of proportion.

2. Showing little or no affection.  This is an area that can break a relationship because its usually determined by the disgruntled party.  Do we really know what is too much or too little?

3. If it’s an intimate relationship and you now find yourself in a situation where sexual involvement has stopped or virtually stopped or so mundane that you cant want until its finished.  This is the real sign that the relationship is over. 

4. Conversation in the relationship has stopped.  Remember the long hours you would spend chating on the phone and in person, talking about everything and anything?

5. Finding you are more interested in looking around you at other people/women instead of the one you are with.  Remember the times when you would sit at a table gazing into each others eyes?

6. Beginning to realise that finding excuses to not be alone together are becoming more evident.  Working late becomes a popular tool.

7. Vacations are spent apart.  If your partner says that are going to a particular romantic holiday destination either by themselves or with friends .. It’s over!

These are just a few key points that could indicate your relationship is going bad. 

Its something you have both talked about and made the decision to do.  But its important to be prepared for the following day and the possibility of negative feelings.

 After she’s gone, its time for you and your partner to talk about the experiece and re-live together what has happened and what you have accomplished.  This is the time to tell each other honestly how the experience was for you.  Its also the time to compliment each other as much as possible and to ensure your partner is confident in your feelings for them.

Today is also the day when you could show your thoughtfulness as a couple towards your friend and send her flowers with a nice and possibly naughty card telling her how grateful you both are and how special she is.

Considerations

If there is a possibility that the pair of you might want to revisit the threesome situation, ensure that you make your friend aware the door is open for her to come back, but dont assume that just because it has happened once, it will happen again!  Respect her choice and avoid assuming that just because she slept with you, you have a relationship! Next time you both see her embrace her tenderly, but dont try to jump on top of her with a passionate kiss.  When you meet your friend again act cool and natural and reinforce that it was a wonderful night.  If she sees you are comfortable and confident she will consider returning, this will show that you are a mature couple with whom she can explore her erotic fantasies with ease and confidence.

There are many comments from people who have experenced a threesome – “the best sexual experience of my life” to “overrated” to “it screwed up my relationship with my friend”.  Different people react differently to situations, its how your approach it and whether you behave responsibly!

The singles dating history is not new.  Singles clubs have been around for many years.  One of Bob Hope’s sayings, some 50 years ago, was “I once sent my photograph to a Lonely Hearts Club and they sent it back saying, thanks but we arn’t that lonely”.  The Lonely Hears Club image lasted some 80 years and was used by many comedians’ jokes, which initially gave the dating industry an image that only desperate and lonely people would join such clubs.

The internet has changed many things in this day and age, having a massive impact within the dating community.  Online dating sites started to bring a younger audience to the dating and singles matchmaking scene, where the systems would conveniently email you with people within your area who were also looking to meet other single people.  Unfortunately these early sites would simply collect as many profiles and photographs as possible just to be able to send them out via email to other members.

Dating sites have now ventured even further in their attempts to accommodate: gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgender and transvestite, to name a few, are swamping the internet.

The better quality online dating sites such as 2Make1.com and 121Trans.com have highly developed searches and tools such as “connect phrases” to help you find the right person.  They also use extensive search criteria together with horoscope, sexuality and personality matching to assist in your having the best possible chance of finding the ideal match.  Not only can you look for singles within your locality but International sites such as these mean you can search the world!

There is good evidence that such sites, that charge for membership, have a much higher quality of contact, with the more you pay the more serious the member.  Free sites tend to attract the “one night stand” end of the market and tend to have page upon page of contacts with little information about that person, apart from general facts like holidays and watching X factor.

The future of online dating whether you are looking for the chance to meet a long term partner or something more casual, seems assured, as the high divorce rate and number of people staying single looks set to continue globally in the years to come.

However, things look set to change in the future of online dating, just as dating changed when the internet was introduced.  This time is may be more of a revolution, as computers get faster along with internet connection speeds.  These advances will bring more exciting ways to date and meet people.  2Make1.com and 121Trans.com  are already developing these areas ready to take advantage of faster computing power.  They already use the standard messaging chat, video and anonymous telephone system and have now introduced SMS messaging.

To keep up to date why not register for your free trial to see what the future might hold in store for you – www.2make1.com.

Good luck

Men cheat women for several reasons.  Sometimes they do so because they have the opportunity.  Cheating is typically done by three types of men: those with low self esteem, those who are unhappy at home and those who are afraid of commitment.  Accordin to statistics, 50 – 70% of married men (between 38 and 53 million men) have cheated or will cheat on their wives.  One recent study found that 2/3 of the wives (26 to 36 million women) whose husbands were cheating had no idea their husbands were having an affair – largely because they failed to recognise the signs.

Married men, particularly those in long term relationships, cheat mainly because they believe that having a short term relationship will resolve temporarily any problems  they are having at home and prevent them from ‘hurting’ anyone.  The actual fact that their partner is already being hurt by their lack of attention and affection, does not come into the picture.  There are three problems to this approach.  First, it stops the major conflicts in the relationship being explored, acknowledged and addressed.  Secondly, it makes the situation worse because any contact only proves what is already missing at home, especially sexually.  Thirdly, it deliberately ignores the fact that the man is taking his affections elsewhere which begs the question: How does giving one’s self to someone else show love and affection for the person left at home and accord her due respect for her love and support?

Men who have other relationships outside of the marriage stray through a conflict of perception.  What their women perceive that men want from them may not be necessarily what those men actually desire, and women seldom seek to find out because they are afraid of the answers!  So after the honeymoon period is over, when their desires have not been fulfilled, spouses soon seek it elsewhere.  In the meantime the women who are affected turn on the men and blame them for their ‘bad’ behaviour instead of looking at themselves to see where they have missed a connection and, at worse, getting out of their demoralising situation.  It is always easier to verify others because it stops us looking at ourselves. 

Men who are cheating emotionally often begin to question whether or not they should be seeing that one particular woman as much as they are.  They know deep down inside that she means more to them than just a female friend would and therefore feel a degree of guilt for seeing her. 

One in five married women have had a fling in the past, the highest number ever recorded according to one group of researchers.  In fact, the number of cheating wives has now equalled the statistics on cheating husbands.  Society has given women permission to be sexually active and it is perfectly clear why women do it, it is for the same reasons men do.  They are not getting what they want out of their marriage.  The workplace, working out, the Internet, women now have more sexual opportunities than ever before.